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ing of the Bourbons. We have been always
thrashing them. We have been thrashing them,.
until at last we have become quite tired of that
species of cruelty. I declare (putting aside
for the moment the loss of life) that it was a
positive relief to the tedious monotony of Chinese
wars, when they managed last year, contrary to
the wildest expectations, to beat us off from the
Taku forts. We have now, of course, succeeded
in thrashing them again, and we may go on thrashing them,
if we please, every year, and Hien-fuh
will be rather pleased than otherwise at this
clearing away of his redundant population. It is
certain, therefore, that this is not the way to get
what we require. My plan is simple. Having
first of all well thrashed his armies, I would now
go on and thrash the emperor himself. The idea
of allowing that old sinner to remain all this time
in safety at Pekin, is not at all according to my
notion of doing business. Nothing should stop
me till I reached the imperial palace; nothing
should satisfy me till I had got Hien-fuh in my
power. When I had done thatand I am certain
that I could do it in a fortnightwhen
I had once got that source of all evil in my
firm grasp, and had surrounded him with all his
lying satellites, who have been bolstering up all
his insolence and presumption, I would call in
my interpreter, and, having first gently pricked
up Hien-fuh with the point of my sword to
arouse his attention, and to make him sensible
that I meant business, I would deliver this

"I am come here to demand twelve millions of
taels, as some slight compensation for all the
trouble and expense which your breaches of
good faith have occasioned, and I require that
the payment of this sum shall be made within
three months. I am also come to require
certain changes in our commercial relations, and
in other important matters; all of which have
been already explained to you. The question
is, Are you willing to fulfil these demands or not?
I know very well that you are burning to declare
that the thing is thoroughly impossible, but it is
of no use whatever your making any such remark;
for, in the first place, I couldn't possibly
understand you, and, in the second place, the individual
who should dare to interrupt me with
any statement of any kind, would only do so at
his own imminent peril. I know, also, that you
are especially desirous of sayingbut you had
better not say itthat the idea of collecting twelve
millions of taels in three months is a frightful
absurdity. To this, however, I will make a reply,
and it is this: that if you don't collect them, / will;
and I moreover promise, that you shall every
one of you remain under my safe custody until
the amount is made up. But, mind, beyond the
three months I won't wait. Do you remember a
certaub Commissioner Yeh? Very good; now let
me tell you that gentlemen of your country are
very much appreciated in the West India Islands,
and that if you don't make haste to carry out my
wishes at once, instead of going to India you shall
go to the West Indies. So much of the present;
but there is something else which I wish to say
with respect to the future, and it is this: I am
sorry to have to confess that the sea voyage between
England and your delightful country is
rather long and tedious, and that, therefore, I have
determined, if ever I have to visit you again, to
come for good. I mean, that if the commands
which I lay upon you now are not complied with
to the very letter, the next time I come I will
make it utterly impossible for you ever to
disappoint me again. You may feel sure
then of this, that if you don't stick to this agreement
you will find yourselves playing a losing

Now I think you will agree that when I had
made this oration, and had acted up to it, I should
have produced an impression upon the Celestial
mind which would at any rate last our time.
Lord Elgin, I have no doubt, will do on this occasion
more than has ever been done before, but
I fear that, even then, our relations with the
Chinese will be very imperfect. My plan may
seem harsh and cruel: but it has a grandeur of
simplicity about it, such as all inspirations of
real genius have. It would give you twelve instead
of eight millions of taels: it would bring
cheap tea to every old woman in the country.
It would open up at once a splendid market for
British manufactures on the one hand, and, on
the other, it would give the Chinese the material
and social advantages which Europeans enjoy.
It would do away for ever with these troublesome
Chinese wars, and make our Chancellor of
the Exchequer dance with joy. You will say,
perhaps, with a sigh of regret, that I am too
late for the present dispute. In that case, all I
ask is, that when the next war comes, which it
will surely do before long, you will then remember
me. I am a man of deeds, not words.
My name is Chapman, and I am the man for


ON prominent corners of our Roman streets
glaring placards arrest the eye importunately,
to the one burden, "ROME EN CINQ JOURS:"
that is, a recipe for fricaseeing, hashing, and
serving hot the dish called an Eternal City, in
three, two, or even one day. The essence or extract
of ruins, churches, pictures, forums, columns,
statues, and bones, all boiled down into a
concentrated jelly. We gallop at the thing desperately
ventre a terreand the city must be
done post. Towards eveningwhen there rolls
by me that ancient open coach, with the father
o' family, and mother o' family, and the son o'
th' family, and daughters in the familiar hat
of the period, all packed close and painfully
in the interior, with their common Red Book
lying cast away in the middle, and with the most
worn, haggard expression that hopeless human
misery can ever attainI know that they