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and H.M.S. Horseleech is still on the bank
of the dockyard, where they hauled her after
the morning of the attempted launch, the
finest specimen of dry-rot in naval architecture
that the British or any other navy can
have to show.



BEING in a homeless condition when I first
entered my present situation in a provincial
town, I inserted the following advertisement
in the local newspaper:

"WANTED, quiet respectable lodging (with board
and attendance) for a young gentleman, clerk
in a warehouse. About two miles from the
Infirmary preferred. Address, X 2222, at the

Next morning I called at the office of the
paper, and, to my consternation, seventy-
three replies were placed in my hands. Such
a number of answers could not, of course,
receive immediate attention, and I postponed
the reading until evening. Two friends spent
the evening with me at my hotel, and we
divided the letters, intending wisely to give
an opinion at the end of the entire reading.

In due time we got to the end, and a more
comical assemblage of coaxing, wheedling,
patronising, or familiar presentations of
apartmental advantages were surely never
addressed to one poor want. I select three for
publication. Not one of the seventy offers
was acceptable to me.

I determined, therefore, to make an offer
in a more interesting direction on my own
account. I see no hope for me but a speedy
arrangement with Ann Eliza, and intend to
write to her to-morrow, being quite
convinced that a truly satisfactory home is only
possible where all of the household have a
common interest, and where every thought
and action is the outgrowth of common
sympathy. I never was more thoroughly
convinced than now, of the truth of Mr. Topper's
remark, that "a bachelor is a wretched
outcast," although the seventy-three candidates
for my weekly rent, and for my daily society,
my tea, and my sugar, convince me (in
opposition to that gentleman's other dictum) that
he has a right to an opinion on the subject.

(No. 1.)

SIR,—In reply to your advertisement, I think I
can accommodate you. The situation is expansive
and open; the rooms are airy and spacious;
parlour and bedroom both to the front; gas, piano,
and music, for your use if desired.

In addition to all this, as I am a tobacconist,
and have a shop in the town, I can supply you with
all kinds of tobacco, snuff, cigars, and pipes, &c.,
at cost price; and further, if you are only a very
moderate or occasional smoker, I will find you in
tobacco or cigars, gratis.

No children, or any other animals or birds,
except two gold-fish, which of course do not annoy
any one. As to terms, &c., I think a visit from you
will be best, when we can arrange matters more
I am, dear sir,
Yours faithfully,
P.S.—If you are an invalid, we have a good

(No. 2.)

SIR,—Having seen your advertisement, I am
induced to offer you apartments in my house. I may
appear rather arbitrary in my terms and rules,
but I think on serious consideration of the especial
advantages which a residence under my roof will
confer, you will not be disposed to allow them to
pass away.

Firstly, I am a clergyman of the Established
Church, and you will have the benefit of my library,
including, as it does, the standard works of Modern
Theology. If you are young (as I suppose you are),
you will have my advice and supervision. In short,
I can confidently offer you a most pleasant home,
subject to the undermentioned conditions, to which
I shall expect strict adherence:

Firstly, I must see all the books you bring into
the house, as I have two sons and three daughters,
who might thus obtain a sight of books which I
might deem unfit for their reading.

Secondly, no smoking, and no tobacco or cigars
to be brought into the house.

Thirdly, no latch-key allowed; and you will be
expected to be in the house every evening at nine
P.M. On Thursday evenings you will be expected
to be in the house all the evening, as I am frequently
out of town at that time, and the ladies of my
family are timid, and do not like to be left without
a gentleman in the house.

All gas turned off by me from the house at ten
o'clock, when all are expected to be in repose for
the night.

The terms, including board and washing, &c.,
are 30s. per week, which I hope will not, after
this enumeration of the benefits you will receive,
be considered too high.

A personal interview will oblige
Yours faithfully,

(No. 3.)

14, GARSTANG COURT, Clairindon St.
SIR,—Haveing seen in the paper that you evant
Lodgeings, I beg to tel you that our Sitiaton his
boath hairy and Comfortabel, & We shall try to
Do our best for you, if you wd. like to come.

We have fore Children, which is all very quite
Except the Youngest, wh. has the Mecles, but the
Docktor says He wil be beter in abt. a Month,
wh. is a Conserlayton to all of Us. I houp you are
Soshabel and of a Lively Temper, as We cd. smoak
a Pipe Together wen you Come from your Work,
wh. wd. Be you kno verry Pleacant. Beside the
advantedges as I have before giv'n, we Kep 2 Pigs,
& have Home Cur'd baykon wen they are kill'd.
P.S. We do not Cooke annything of a Friday but
fish, as We are Cathelicks, but you Can gett your
Diner at a Shop next Dore, were they cell Tripe,
&c. &c. at 4d. per pownd, wich is verry handey.

My time being short, I cannot say no More; but
if you wd. call I can show you Meny advantedges.