+ ~ -
Please report pronunciation problems here. Select and sample other voices. Options Pause Play
Report an Error


The public market has been of late more
than usually remarkable for transactions on
the American principle in Whole and
indivisible Hogs. The market has been heavynot
the least approach to briskness having been
observed in any part of it; but, the
transactions, such as they have been, have been
exclusively for Whole Hogs. Those who may
only have had a retail inclination for sides,
ribs, limbs, cheeks, face, trotters, snout, ears,
or tail, have been required to take the Whole
Hog, sinking none of the offal, but consenting
to it alland a good deal of it too.

It has been discovered that mankind at
large can only be regenerated by a Tee-total
Society, or by a Peace Society, or by always
dining on Vegetables. It is to be particularly
remarked that either of these certain means
of regeneration is utterly defeated, if so much
as a hair's-breadth of the tip of either ear of
that particular Pig be left out of the bargain.
Qualify your water with a tea-spoonful of
wine or brandywe beg pardonalcoholand
there is no virtue in Temperance. Maintain a
single sentry at the gate of the Queen's Palace,
and it is utterly impossible that you can be
peaceful. Stew so much as the bone of a
mutton chop in the pot with your vegetables,
and you will never make another Eden out of
a Kitchen Garden. You must take the Whole
Hog, Sir, and every bristle on him, or you and
the rest of mankind will never be regenerated.

Now, without enquiring at present whether
means of regeneration that are so easily
spoiled, may not a little resemble the pair of
dancing-shoes in the story, which the lady
destroyed by walking across a room in them,
we will consider the Whole Hog question from
another point of view.

First, stand aside to see the great
Tee-total Procession come by. It is called a
Temperance Processionwhich is not an
honest use of a plain word, but never mind
that. Hurrah! hurrah! The flags are blue
and the letters golden. Hurrah! hurrah!
Here are a great many excellent, straight-
forward, thoroughly well-meaning, and
exemplary people, four and four, or two and
two. Hurrah! hurrah! Here are a great
many children, also four and four, or two
and two. Who are they?— They, Sir, are
the Juvenile Temperance Bands of Hope.—
Lord bless me! What are the Juvenile
Temperance Bands of Hope 1 They are the
Infantine Brigade of Regenerators of Mankind.
Indeed? Hurrah! hurrah! These
young citizens being pledged to total
abstinence, and being fully competent to pledge
themselves to anything for life; and it being
the custom of such young citizens' parents, in
the existing state of unregenerated society, to
bring them up on ardent spirits and strong
beer (both of which are commonly kept in
barrels, behind the door, on tap, in all large
families, expressly for persons of tender years,
of whom it is calculated that seven-eighths
always go to bed drunk); this is a grand
show. So, again, Hurrah! hurrah!

Who are these gentlemen walking two and
two, with medals on their stomachs and bows
in their button-holes? These, Sir, are the
Committee.— Are they? Hurrah! hurrah!
One cheer more for the Committee!
Hoo-o-o-o-rah! A cheer for the Reverend Jabez
Fireworksfond of speaking; a cheer for the
gentleman with the stand-up collar, Mr. Gloss
fond of speaking; a cheer for the gentleman
with the massive watch-chain, who smiles so
sweetly on the surrounding Fair, Mr. Glib
fond of speaking; a cheer for the rather dirty
little gentleman who looks like a converted
Hyaena, Mr. Scradgerfond of speaking; a
cheer for the dark-eyed, brown gentleman,
the Dove Delegate from Americafond of
speaking; a cheer for the swarm who follow,
blackening the procession,— Regenerators
from everywhere in generalall good men
all fond of speaking; and all going to speak.

I have no right to object, I am sure.
Hurrah, hurrah!

The Reverend Jabez Fireworks, and the
great Mr. Gloss, and the popular Mr. Glib,
and the eminent Mr. Scradger, and the Dove
Delegate from America, and the distinguished
swarm from everywhere, have ample
opportunity (and profit by it, too,) for speaking to
their heart's content. For, is there not,
to-day, a Grand Demonstration Meeting; and
to-morrow, another Grand Demonstration
Meeting; and, the day after to-morrow, a
Grand United Regenerative Zoological
Visitation; and, the day after that, a Grand
Aggregate General Demonstration; and, the day
after that, a Grand Associated Regenerative

Profile Information

Application afterLoad: 0.000 seconds, 0.28 MB
Application afterInitialise: 0.742 seconds, 1.00 MB
Application afterRoute: 0.750 seconds, 2.05 MB
Application afterDispatch: 0.821 seconds, 3.60 MB
Application afterRender: 0.875 seconds, 3.93 MB

Memory Usage


21 queries logged

  1. SELECT *
      FROM jos_session
      WHERE session_id = 'c2d8dd0f6261c35e68874f0434697068'
      FROM jos_session
      WHERE ( TIME < '1660405137' )
  3. SELECT *
      FROM jos_session
      WHERE session_id = 'c2d8dd0f6261c35e68874f0434697068'
  4. INSERT INTO `jos_session` ( `session_id`,`time`,`username`,`gid`,`guest`,`client_id` )
      VALUES ( 'c2d8dd0f6261c35e68874f0434697068','1660406937','','0','1','0' )
  5. SELECT *
      FROM jos_components
      WHERE parent = 0
  6. SELECT folder AS TYPE, element AS name, params
      FROM jos_plugins
      WHERE published >= 1
      AND access <= 0
      ORDER BY ordering
  7. SELECT id
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE alias = 'page-505'
  8. SELECT id
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE alias = 'page-505'
  9. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE id = '566'
  10. UPDATE jos_toc_pages
      SET hits = ( hits + 1 )
      WHERE id='566'
  11. SELECT template
      FROM jos_templates_menu
      WHERE client_id = 0
      AND (menuid = 0 OR menuid = 61)
      ORDER BY menuid DESC
      LIMIT 0, 1
  12. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE alias = 'page-505'
      AND id_volume = 5
  13. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_volumes
      WHERE id = '5'
  14. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_magazines
      WHERE id = '80'
  15. SELECT id, title,alias
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE  id_volume = 5
      ORDER BY ordering ASC
  16. SELECT id, DATE, id_page
      FROM jos_toc_magazines
      WHERE  id_volume = 5
      ORDER BY ordering ASC
  17. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_parameter
      WHERE `group` = 'voice'
  18. SELECT *
      FROM jos_toc_parameter
      WHERE `group` = 'voice'
  19. SELECT id, title,alias
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE id_volume = 5
      AND ordering > 515
      ORDER BY ordering ASC
      LIMIT 1
  20. SELECT id, title,alias
      FROM jos_toc_pages
      WHERE id_volume = 5
      AND ordering < 515
      ORDER BY ordering DESC
      LIMIT 1
  21. SELECT id, title, module, POSITION, content, showtitle, control, params
      FROM jos_modules AS m
      LEFT JOIN jos_modules_menu AS mm
      ON mm.moduleid = m.id
      WHERE m.published = 1
      AND m.access <= 0
      AND m.client_id = 0
      AND ( mm.menuid = 61 OR mm.menuid = 0 )
      ORDER BY POSITION, ordering

Language Files Loaded

Untranslated Strings Diagnostic


Untranslated Strings Designer