+ ~ -
 
Please report pronunciation problems here. Select and sample other voices. Options Pause Play
 
Report an Error
Go!
 
Go!
 
TOC
 

and underneath that imposing foraging cap,
there were no fixed resolves. Though fierce, he
was a flincher; though obstinate, he was weak;
though loud, he was never in earnest; though
great in his advancing steps, he took care to
step back continually, as if to reflect and
collect his strength, but in reality to avoid
making any progress whatever. His mastiffs,
of course, watched every movement of his eye,
and did nothing but make threatening frisks
and gambols round his boots.

Most unfortunately, the people were not
aware of this inward condition of Lord Peter.
They did not know that if they went forward
with determination, and in a body, he and his
mastiffs would have retreated through the
woods, step by step, or leap by leap, just as
the people advanced. Little suspecting this,
they were accustomed for a long time to send
humble petitions, and all that sort of thing,
at which he seldom deigned to look, and
which he gave to his dogs to play with.

One day, there being more than usual need
for a free passage for everybody across the
country, a large crowd of people set off
together. After the usual difficulties and
obstructions, they arrived at Lord Peter's woods
and forests. They met the head ranger
at his accustomed post, with his back set
against a tree. As there were so many of
them, his opposition was much less than
ordinary. Nevertheless, as he showed signs of
intending to be as troublesome as possible,
various individuals stepped forward with
written arguments, plans, and statistical
calculations.

What did he do? Here we must refer
once more to the ancient document. "Peter,"
says the Parish Register, "was well made,
and of the middle size. His countenance
had not the appearance of an idiot. He had
a natural ear for music, and was so delighted
with it, that if he heard any musical instrument
played upon, he would immediately
dance and caper about, till he was almost
quite exhausted with fatigue; and though he
could never be taught the distinct utterance
of any word, yet he could easily hum a tune."
So it was with Lord Peter. Seldom could
any distinct word be extorted from him, but
he had a prodigious faculty of humming. In
addition to this, so curiously did he associate
the wishes and petitions of the people with
a certain invariable tune of derision or
indifference in his own mind, that the very
sight of a crowd often produced such an
effect upon him that he could not help suiting
the action to the tune.

The petitions, therefore, of which we have
just spoken, he condescended to receive; but,
instead of examining them, looking over them,
or even tucking them into his mole or calf
skin pockets, he instantly let them drop, and,
by way of doing something official in
recognition, he danced round them! Forthwith
his dogs, standing on their hind legs, all did
the same. The people were not satisfied with
this reception. It was an official ceremony—?
but no explanation. They then presented
the diplomatic and somewhat grotesque head
ranger with sundry models of farms, emblems
of famine, and pictures (after the manner of
savage nations), to help his understanding of
the actual state of affairs. He received them
all in his hands, as before; and, again letting
them instantly fall to the ground, danced
round them in the same manner as previously
described, though with the addition of a few
fresh antics and gesticulations. One of his
dogs, also, stood upon his head; but, rolling
over, by accident, the canine enthusiast gave
a smothered howl, and disappeared.

The people, as a last resource, being now
pretty well tired, presented diplomatic
gew-gaws, popular types and symbols, together
with numerous official knick-knacks, such as
ruled paper, patent inkstands, seals, wax,
chaff-wax, deputy chaff-wax, &c.; but all in
vain. Each collection of these was instantly
dropped, and danced round,—until suddenly
the head ranger stopped, staring intently at
a certain thing! Somebody had given him a
piece of red tape!

Fortunate, indeed, did it seem that any one
should have included among his offerings an
article of such magical powers. Lord Peter's
attention was instantly caughtriveteda
bright thought had broken upon his night of
mindhis eyes rolled correspondingly with
the circle of new ideas that had arisen upon
his mental horizon. What are his intentions?
what will he do? All the crowd are in
breathless suspense for the first words the
head ranger will utter. But an action more
expressive than words fills the spectators with
a fresh surprise. His forest lordship raises
the piece of red tape to his mouth, and,
looking up with a grateful and devout air,
swallows it!

A pause of general excitement ensues. Is
it digestible?—that is the question inwardly
asked by the majority. Before any one,
however, has recovered from his astonishment,
the eyes of Lord Peter gleam with greedy
anxiety on the crowd, from one to another, till a
peculiarly intelligent person, in a rusty black
coat, threadbare black trousers, and high-lows,
with ink-spots on all his fingers, and an office-pen
behind his right ear, advances towards
Lord Peter and presents him with a basket
full of folded pieces of red tape. One by one
the pieces are seized, and swallowed; and,
if the crowd might judge by the obvious
sympathy and rolling delight of the head
ranger's eyes, there was every prospect that
they would soon be thoroughly digested and
assimilated with his system in the happy
future.

From this day, Lord Peter became a changed
man, He saw his right course in life. He
announced it publicly, and went to dwell in
the great city.

Now, when this new expression of his official
sentiments got wind, and was coupled with the